Reality and so-called ideals: Dowry

It was about 8:00 a.m. in the morning and I was taking my bed tea. I received a phone call from Akash, my school time friend.

“What are you doing at home till now? I need you here, come fast” he told me and before I could say anything hung up the phone.

Akash Sharma is very close friend of mine from my school days. I was a mediocre student and he was an intelligent guy and now he works as an officer in a Govt. Department.

His marriage ceremony shall be held tomorrow and the marriage rituals/programme shall commence from today onwards and he has requested me accompany him in whole marriage rituals etc. till the end.

Akash Sharma is going to marry Shivani Dutta, a common friend to both of us from our College. They both like each other from college days itself but didn’t confess each other. Few months ago they decided to marry and I had to play the role of a matchmaker to convince Akash’s parents for their marriage as they are very strict and stereotypes even if there was no angle of inter-religion or inter-caste in their marriage.

I left my tea and take a bath in a hurried manner. While changing clothes, I said to my wife, “It would not be possible for you to go with me in such hurried manner.  Anyhow, when will you reach there?”

“I am interested even to go so early there; you go and enjoy your friend’s company. By the way, what is schedule of Shagun?” she asked.

“May be around 12:00 noon” I said.

“Then we will be there around 12:30 p.m.,” she replied.

After waiting for long, Shivani’s family members arrived Akash’s house at around 1:00 p.m. for Shagun ceremony alongwith sweets, fruits and traditional ‘Shagun ki thaali’ for tilak.

As soon as Duttas reached Sharma’s house, there was a buzz in the air. Many from Sharma family and their close relatives were murmuring that Duttas have came for shagun with empty hands (without gifts). In the meanwhile, one aunty among them said, “they must have brought gifts in the form of gold for Akash and his family.”

The news reached to Akash’s father like a wild fire and he instead of attending the guests sprinted towards his wife.

“What our relatives will think that where we are going to marry our son?” said Akash’s father to his wife.

“How shamelessly they have come for shagun with empty hands. Have they not even attended any Shagun ceremony?” said Akash’s mother.

“We have not demanded anything but they should have taken into consideration that how well qualified son-in-law they are getting” said Akash’s father.

I overheard the conversation between Uncle and Aunty & was reminded of the day when Shivani’s father and Uncle had come to meet Akash’s family to discuss execution of marriage between Akash and Shivani.

With folded hands Shivani’s father had asked for any demands from Akash’s family in the form of dowry as it is prevalent in the society.

But the Akash’s father refused and said, “We are not conservative and have everything in our home, we only need your daughter in two pair of dresses.”  

I was unhappy on hearing this and so would be Shivani when she came to know about it as she is a confident young girl who believes in equal rights for womenfolk.

I rushed towards Akash and told the whole stuff to him and asked to handle the situation but he behaved very strangely.

He said, “I can’t interfere in the elders’ decision as our customs don’t allow us to do so.”

“Are you the same person who was the torch-bearer for us in fighting social evils like Dowry?” I replied him in rage.

“There is a difference between Idealist lectures and life. Today if I somehow manage to persuade my family it could be difficult for Shivani to adjust with my family in future,” he cut me off and went towards his parents leaving me still in shocked state.

Then I was reminded of the day of my own Shagun ceremony.

Me and my family had already requested time and again to my in-laws to refrain away from Dowry or any such things but they still have come up with gold bracelet for me and attempted to gift it to me to which I very gently refused as I firmly believe ‘Dowry’ as a social curse. I know my family also supported my call but it was me and only me (though being a shy person) who has to take a stand against dowry.

I was still floating in my thoughts and was revived by Shivani’s younger brother, Sidharth. He said, “Bhaiya, I heard everything and had a chat in this regard with Papa. He has already managed to purchase Gold bracelet for Akash and other electronic gadgets from a friend’s shop and all the stuff would be here in sometime.”

The present situation was handled by Shivani’s family and they will also handle the whole marriage ceremony as they are well off but the problem is for those families who can’t afford dowry in race to those who can afford.

But I am surprised about Akash and other such guys like him who besides loving Shivani didn’t support her family and take a stand against Dowry even he understands the gravity of effects of Dowry to the society, being an educated person he is.

Dowry is a crime under Dowry Prohibition Act, 1961 but we as a society are the social offender/s of it. Our young generation has to come forward and stop this curse to our society so that domestic violence and dowry deaths could be stopped.

                                                                                                                                -  S D BOGAL